it hurts more in the daytime
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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