I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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