Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
