If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
