you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
