No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
