he puts the penis in happiness.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
