D3 body, D1 cock
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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