NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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