I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
