god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
