Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
