I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
