forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
