I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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