I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
