Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
