I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
