What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
