i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
