also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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