My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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