you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
