I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
