i think i have two assholes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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