I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
