I think my fart just growled at me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
