If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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