My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
