apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
