Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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