Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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