Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
