dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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