His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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