and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
