OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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