Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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