Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
