i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
