Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
