And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
