I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
