There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
