DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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