Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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