I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
