He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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