i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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