atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Holy sore nipples Batman
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
