It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
