I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
