My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
