Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
