she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
