girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
